As you block him from contacting you via cell phone, email, and social media, you think to yourself, ‘whelp, another one bites the dust.’ Yep, your latest relationship has ended. Here you are thinking that this guy could finally be ‘the one,' but nope! Like always, the relationship crashed and burned for one reason or another, leaving you bitter and ready to man bash the first chance you get.
After the anger subsides, you bombard yourself with questions like: Is it me? What is it about me that attracts this same type of guy? Is my husband in another state? Is he of a different race? Should I play for the other team? (lesbianism).
I think that we can all agree, that some people are only meant to be in our lives for a season. Yeah, it sucks, but every relationship isn’t destined for the long run; this includes friendships. Now, that’s cool and all, but it’s how the breakups go down that should have you concerned. Some couples can end things and remain friends, but not you and your exes, right? You and your former lovers can’t stand the sight of each other. If you see one another in public, you exchange dry hellos and awkward energy. All you can think about is how he stopped doing all the things he used to do. How out of nowhere he became distant. How the time you two spent together, became less and less, and how like all the ones before him, he wasted your precious time.
Let’s go back to that first question: Is it me?
Well, Sis, it just might be you. If all your relationships traveled down the same path and met the same fate, the same way, then you may have to consider something: Are you subconsciously sabotaging these unions for reasons that you may not have known existed?
There are several different types of single women; not all of us are single for the same reasons.
Below I have listed five types of single women, maybe you will identify with 1 or several of the types.
But listen here, don’t continue reading if you’re not ready for the truth. There’s a good chance that YOU ARE 1 of the five women I have listed.
1. DADDY’S GIRL- You Ms. Lady, are putting a lot of pressure on your partner. Your views and expectations of men are shaped by how your father treated you. The first man that you ever loved was your father, so this kind of love is the bar you set for your mate. If daddy spoiled you, catered to your emotions, and treated you like royalty, your man must do the same, or there will be trouble in paradise. Your guy must reach or surpass that bar, or it won’t take long for you two to crash and burn.
Word of advice- Get to know a person before you jump into a relationship with them; this is extremely important. Learn about his childhood. He may be a hunk, with a nice bank account, but has no idea how to treat a woman, let alone a woman like you. You should be able to tell if he’s relationship material (for you) by the time you spend together. If you must tell him to pull out your chair, open your car door, or any other door, then you may not want to entertain the idea of a second date. If he’s cheap/frugal, when you're used to daddy splurging on you, you may want to cut the date short. Be upfront, tell him who you are, and what you expect; he’s either going to get with it or get the hell on.
2. MS. LOW SELF-ESTEEM- You’re attracted to assholes. You like the bad boys that smack you upside the head, bully you emotionally, and convinces you that he’s the only one deserving of respect in the relationship. Be it the classic ‘daddy issues,' or lack of validation and praise from the people in your life; you’re always working to be loved by a man, that shows you in more ways than one, that your happiness doesn’t mean a damn thing to him. He controls you, puts you down, makes you feel irrelevant and insecure, but for reasons you can’t understand, you love him, you want him, and won’t stop until he changes into the man you want him to be.
Word of advice- Self-love! Self-love! SELF-LOVE! You must love yourself first and foremost, sweetie. Us women must show men how we like to be treated. If we don’t love ourselves from inside out, our partners won’t either. Men will take it upon themselves and love us the way they like to be loved, or worse, not love us at all. You need to address the root of this problem because this is a problem. Find out why you crave dysfunction/abuse. Come up with a solution as to how you can break this vicious cycle. Feed your mind, body, and soul. Exude confidence and good energy. If you treat yourself like a priority, you’ll attract a man that knows either he can do the same or get kicked to the curb.
3. THE CHASER- You’re only interested in the guy because he has a girlfriend or a wife. If he were single, you wouldn’t give him a second look. It’s like an adrenaline rush. You get a kick out of the chase, and then the capture. Once you get him, you toss him, because commitment bores you; although sometimes, you yearn for someone to call your own. This thought is quickly dismissed because you have extreme commitment issues. Honey, you couldn’t care less about the trail of broken men you’ve left behind, and you’re forever eager to add more victims to the pile.
Word of advice- You will forever be single because you’re childish. If you continue to treat love like a game, you will one day become the one getting played. Let’s consider a far worse scenario, like, hey, I don’t know, one of these men’s wives or girlfriends find you and beat your home wrecking ass. Have you thought about that? Or do you not care? Well, you should. You should consider if chasing these men who are clearly off limits, is worth a trip to the E.R. Whenever that feeling of wanting to be love creeps up, be smart and hold on to it, don’t let it go. You may discover that a good SINGLE man is out there waiting for you.
4. THE RUNNER- Sister girl, I can wholeheartedly relate. When I say I was the queen of ‘getting the hell on,' baby, I WAS THE QUEEN! My expectations were so unrealistic, and it took for me to grow, and fall in love with a man that is even more imperfect than I am, to understand that no one can sustain smiles and positive vibes all damn day, every damn day. The day he doesn’t send a good morning text, cancels a date, or doesn’t answer his phone after you’d called him a few times, you’re ready to snap, crackle, and pop! Now you’re saying to yourself; it’s on to the next one because you don’t have time for inconsistency. Or, if you have a rough background like myself, as soon as your man displays a characteristic of someone who has hurt you in the past, you kick him to the curb asap-no explanation, no warning. This is fucked up. Real fucked up.
Word of advice- STOP LOOKING FOR A REASON TO GIVE UP! He may have been sleeping or caught up at work, and that’s why he didn’t answer your call. He may have been running late to an appointment or what not, that’s why he didn’t get a chance to send that good morning text. If he isn’t showing signs of an abuser (of any kind) or a sociopath, you can overlook him cracking open a beer the same way a person who hurt you in the past does. You must be realistic! Know that throughout the course of your relationship, everything won’t be pleasant. You both will forget some things. You both will get cranky sometimes. You both will slack in some areas here and there. Instead of running away, try to work through those problems, and maybe, just maybe, you will find yourself in a lovely forever situation.
5. THE ALPHA- This is also me lol. You, my love, is unapologetically independent. You don’t need a man for anything but pleasure (so you tell yourself), and you won’t hesitate to let them know that. You are very strong-willed and is hell-bent on doing things your way. You believe women who get lost in a man are weak, and you’ll be damned if you ever compromise your individuality just for love. In your eyes, a man’s ego doesn’t stand a chance against your brutal honesty and take no shit attitude.
Word of advice- Well Sis, I hate to break it to you, but no STRAIGHT man wants to feel like he’s in a relationship with another man. You need to soften up a bit, let him wear the pants in the relationship, make him feel wanted and needed. Hand him that jar to open. Make him feel like a hero when he kills that bug. STROKE THAT EGO! You won’t lose sight of who you are by making him feel important. It won’t make you less of a woman by compromising-spoiling him a bit. Men try to make it seem like women are the emotional ones, when they’re the ones that struggle with rejection, and what not. Just like us women love modest compliments (please don’t tell us how sexy and beautiful we are every 5 seconds, it’s creepy and makes us uncomfortable), men love to feel like being in our life means something. So, until you can figure out how to balance being independent with being submissive (to some extent), you will continue to experience failed relationship, after failed relationship.
If you identify with any of these single ladies above, I hope my words give you some things to think about. Now this is just my take on things. It took me a long time to meet my soulmate/twin flame, and lost him, because my past hardened me, and wouldn’t let me open to love. I’m not used to someone wanting to lead me, so it has been a process; a process that’s going to lead us to happily ever after.