With social media, dating apps, and those annoying friends that love to play matchmaker, getting a date is easy, it's making it to a second date that's the hard part. Here are my top five reasons for ruining your chance of a second date with me. Make sure to list yours in the comment section.
1. Your ex should be here, not me...
What’s your ex phone number so I could call them and tell them to meet us here at the restaurant? You haven’t stopped talking about them since we got here! I know more about them and y’all demise than I know about you in general. I can’t explain to you how tacky this is. Unless your ex is crazy and I have to watch my back, or you have children with them and possibly one day we’d have to meet, keep the past in the past! If you can’t, you need to take this time to heal instead of date, because it’s not fair for the person you’re dating to have to sit through bitch sessions about your last relationship.
2. You could’ve at least washed your ass...
You look and smell like you just got off work, left the gym, or worse, just woke up. It’s 2019, no adult should have to have a conversation with another adult about hygiene and looking presentable. The first date is the first impression. If you come to our decided location looking like WTF and smelling like you’re afraid of soap, water, and toothpaste, I’m leaving. Why? Because you out here living YOLO on the wrong shit. You have to care about your body odor and appearance, you just have to y’all.
3. Turn your throat down!
Everyone in the establishment keeps looking at us because you’re loud as hell. Why at your age don’t you have volume control? Not your mom, grandma, kindergarten teacher, I mean no one taught you how to use your inside voice? Every single word that comes out of your mouth bounces off the walls! Ole donkey head ass- hee heeing and haw hawing all up in my face. All out of breath, veins popping out your head… I can see your tonsils and shit… just wretched. Since you couldn’t find your Michael & Janet Jackson, Toni Braxton, or El Debarge tone, you won’t be seeing me again; I refuse to be eating dinner or at the movies with a person that has Mystikal and Fat Man Scoop vocal cords. If you don’t know these men, google them.
4. You’re rude as hell!
Mouth almighty, tongue-everlasting… I can’t get a word in edgewise because you keep cutting me off to talk about yourself and your opinions. Valet and the waitress spoke to you; you ignored them and went straight to bossing them around. Just disrespectful! Answering fifty-million calls and text while we’re trying to vibe. You let the door close on an elderly couple; you know you could’ve held that goddamn door for them! But you don’t give a damn and you’re not afraid to show it. There’s no way in hell we’re going out again. Matter of fact, I’m blocking your ass in my phone and on social media while we’re still on this date. I can’t be seen with a person with no home training. Nope!
5. WTF did you even show up for?
You’ve been complaining about how tired you are, how hot or cold it is, how you don’t feel well and life, in general, is just getting on your nerves. Your conversation and energy are dry as hell. You’re looking at everybody and everything but the person in front of you. You look like you’re depressed; eyes all sad, mouth all turned up. You don’t want to be here and you’re showing it, which brings me to one question: Why in the hell didn’t you just cancel? So instead of being an adult and saying, hey, I’m in a pretty bad mood, can we reschedule, you'd rather subject me to your bad energy; that’s selfish as hell. You’ve ruined my whole mood with your foolishness so you’re not going to hear from me let alone see me again. Yep, you blew it!